Monday, November 20, 2006


I love having my babies, and think they are TOTALLY worth all of the time, energy and effort, but every once in a while, I miss some freedoms. I was hurtling (safely) home from the mall the other night with a 4 week infant in the backseat screaming that "I-am-abandoned-and-despairing-of-life" cry that is designed to make you drop everything and attend to the poor child, and cast a wistful glance at the Panera bread cafe speeding past my dusty minivan window. I had a nostalgic "missing" of the days when one would have a leisurely shopping, clothes-trying-on experience with friends, and then stop to get something to eat, and linger over your food, and talk and laugh. No rush. Ain't happenin' these days with this one. Everything is more hurry-hurry-ain't-no-WAY-we're-stopping-somewhere-to-eat!!! I went to a baby shower the other night that Israel wailed his way through, and had a Mary Kay thingie 2 nights later during which he did the same thing. He does not particularly like Mommy to have a life, thanks. :) I'm going somewhere again tonight, without Tim and Gabriel...we shall see how things go...(spoken in ominous tones)

I also miss having days where I could stay in bed all day if I wanted and read. Some of these grey, cloudy days we have had recently, combined with my exhaustion and desire to simply mindlessly vegetate have brought this desire to the forefront of late. My husband informs me that this is not normal. On one of those grey days recently, I opened a Dove's candy chocolate wrapper that said "This is one of those bubble-bath days" or something like that, and everything within me yearned for such a a quiet house...with a thick, absorbing book...and no duties to perform... Oh well. I'd rather have the cushiest cheeks ever to kiss (Israel), and the softest belly ever to rub (Gabe). But you hear what I'm saying.

Speaking of having a life (refer to first paragraph), my calendar is filling up quickly for these next several weeks. I'm so excited. I so do like to have a life! :) Tim complains about having lots of plans, but I just rub my hands together busily and plot away. Not working over the holidays has left lots of room open for fun things that I usually miss.

In a totally separate subject, I gotta say - I am feeling the weight of being a parent. It is a mantle of responsibility that really starts to reveal itself especially as Gabriel is getting older. How do we provide the most appropriate discipline? What is the most appropriate discipline? Who are we shaping our child to become? What is his view of God? What of God's character can he see in us? Where are we missing the mark? I SO LONG for my children to love our God with all their heart, souls, and minds...and I just want to get our parts right. And of course all parents miss the mark on all sorts of things...I just want God to give us wisdom on the things we can't afford to miss the mark on. Gabe truly is such a sponge. He talks about kites, for instance, and we have no clue how he knows about kites. The other night he asked for a "God story"...when we often tell Jesus stories, so he must understand that they are connected - and he is only two!

And finally, here's a bad mommy confession. Playing two-year-old games makes me want to flee. Tim and I were talking the other day about things that we like about taking care of Gabriel, after he left me to play a football throwing game with Gabe that he had been playing to go take a shower. I can play those games for a few minutes, and then I get so incredibly antsy and want to do all of the other things around me that need to be done. Like dust. Or clean the bathroom. :) I have to consciously stay the course on those games. Tim loves playing games with Gabriel, but not reading to him. I, on the other hand, do like to read to him, and do the "taking care of" bits, and the cuddling. (Candice, Gabriel loves that Thai Hide-and-Seek book. That is a 5 times over book. I like how the rooster says "Eeechy eeechy egg! Eeechy eechy egg!", and the dog says "Hrou! Hrou!".") Gabe asks for more cuddling now than he used to. He likes to go get his blankies and pacifier and comes pouting out with some sort of pretend injury that requires lots of cuddles. :) I guess Tim and I balance each other out.

One more thing: today we were putting Gabe down for his nap, and I see this sippy cup come flying out of his room. Tim had found a "old milk" cup and threw it out so that Gabe wouldn't try to drink it. Then I see Gabe in the doorway a little later, with his blanky, looking down the hall. He looks at me and smacks his leg with his hands and says "Daddy smack leg. Daddy smack leg" I asked Tim if Gabe had done something wrong, and he said that no, he hadn't but he must have seen Daddy do a no-no, because he remembered that Gabe had whacked his (Tim's) leg, and hadn't thought anything of it but that he was playing. Then Tim remembered that he had thrown Gabe's sippy-cup, which is a Gabriel-no-no. :) So Daddy was apparently chastised. :) Gabriel will often smack his own leg if he does something he knows is wrong, ie. hit the lampshade with his drumstick. What a kid.


Anonymous said...

Panera Bread...mmmmmmm. You're making me homesick. Glad Gabe likes the book. It's one of our favorites here too. Happy Thanksgiving! Candice

Angela said...

Thank you, Carrie, for putting words to many of my thoughts as a parent. I'm right with ya! Especially on the desire to do something like clean the bathroom rather than play a two-year old game!

Carrie said...

Oh, good. Glad to hear I'm not alone! :)