Blank Stares

I am downstairs. The deep freezer door is raised, and I am leaning over it, my head on my arm, staring at the carpet, feeling the cool air on my forehead. No reason, just taking a break from my fruitless day. Gabriel is coughing INCESSANTLY; a dry, irritated, irritating cough behind me, interspersed with high pitched whiny conversation. Cough…1, 2, cough…1, 2, cough. Whine. Cough. Israel agitates around upstairs, bleary-eyed and refusing to nap, clamoring to be held. It’s 6 PM and I don’t know what to make for supper. My freezer is full of all sorts of items that take a long time to cook. I wonder what that green stain is on the floor. I feel zoned, dull, and plodding.

There were lots of things I did not do today. I did not put away my four baskets/buckets of laundry. I did not pick up stray items in the house. I did not label the clothes boxes downstairs. I did not visit my neighbor in the hospital. I was going to, but she went home. Sort of a relief. I didn’t go to Walmart. I didn’t send out birthday presents, overdue from May, June, and August.

I did, however, look at a lot of blogs today. I watched some Britney Spe@rs’ videos on YouTube and felt sad for her because I feel like she is a very unhappy girl. Which I’m pretty sure she’d feel annoyed to hear. To my credit, I did make a healthy lunch. I took Israel on a walk. I did not otherwise enjoy the beautiful fall day outside. I did pile a bunch of little toys in a box and rattle them tantalizingly to peak the interest of the Fussy Grump, and then streak off to the office to resume all of my important computer activities. I did get up 4 billion times last night with my coughing three year old. I did change diapers. I did not make any money. I checked email and thought about reading a book.

I just have that unsettled, crabby, restless, feeling that an unproductive day leaves you with.

Guess there’s still time. Think I’ll make some Cheese Tortellini Soup.

2 cans chicken broth
½ pound fried sausage
1 bag frozen cheese tortellini
desired amount of frozen spinach or Brussels sprouts (I prefer the latter)
Milk to preferred creaminess
Salt, pepper, and crushed red pepper to taste

Mmmm.

Off to rattle pans importantly and busily stir soup.

**EDIT** - Tim thinks that I need to add the fact that I worked 13 hours yesterday and then was up 1 1/2 hours during the night with Gabriel, leading to what he feels is a deserved day off. I didn't say I didn't need it, I'm just saying I feel agitate-y.