Monday, May 12, 2008

The Mouse Massacre

There was a mouse slaughtered in my kitchen this morning. And quite gruesomely, I might add.

Chloe had been OBSESSED with the back of the refrigerator last night. This morning she was equally glued to the pantry door, so I figured I'd open it for her and make her happy. Suddenly there was a great scuffling of claws and snuffling and snorting of dog and there was smear of mouse from hither to yon. Wow. I didn't know the addle-pated dim-witted peering ol' Snooch had it in her.

Now, a clean kill perhaps I could have handled. Cute mouse lying deadly and quietly on the floor was potentially palatable. Blood and guts and mangled moist mouse lying in the midst of a war torn arena...on the other hand...I took one look and my knees literally got weak. Praise the Lord for husbands.

Tim came home and used my kitchen spatula (??!!!????!!???) to clean up the "remains". The kitchen spatula has now been permanently retired. Well, whatever. As long as I didn't have to go near the horrible thing.

Just last night I had been quite crabbily making a list of Chloe's pros and cons, and the con list was quite lengthy, as opposed to the stubby pro list which contained three measly items -

1. Cleans up the food the baby drops
2. Is sometimes cute
3. Hopefully curbs future child allergies

I guess I can begrudgingly add a fourth item now -

4. Slaughters rodents

"Six year old Jack Russell Terrier for sale. Sometimes cute, cleans up food children drop, and may prevent future allergies in said children. Barks wildly and insanely loudly at anyone who comes to the door, thinks about coming to the door, once came to the door, or may come to the door at a future time. All barking generally takes place whilst said children are peacefully napping. Is incredibly and irritatingly allergic to grass. Obsessed with rubber ducks. Will not eat macaroni. Wafts "Essence of Anal Glands" whenever nervous, stressed, or worried, particularly on a trip. Mangles soft footballs. Insists on sleeping on the bed, yet will not jump up there by herself. Slaughters rodents. "

Maybe I'd be able to get at least $2.50.

5 comments:

Cottonista said...

Niiiiiiice.

Lynette Polinder said...

Good luck with that ad!

Anonymous said...

Carrie- you got my stomach churning with that one. You know how I feel about mice- dead or alive...and well, dogs too for that matter! Gagging, Candice

Anonymous said...

That is disgusting. . . and nope, not looking for a Jack Russel :). Janice

kdurec said...

That is so funny (the ad., not the rodent slaughtering). I hope all is going well! :)

Our dog does the same barking at anyone and everyone. Her particular favorite is the mailperson, who always comes during Kendra's second nap. :(